In the print volumes of my books about Trinity, I add a message in the acknowledgments. After I mention all the people that my book is geared towards I ask them to "Remember H.O.P.E. is How One Person Endures."
It's not just a trendy little thing to say without a point. Nor is the phrase self-explanatory. So I shall attempt to give a little explanation here so that I won't be thought of as a pointless phrase maker. The books about Trinity are focused around people who are going through difficulties thus far. Such as bullying, severe illnesses, and the grief of losing a member of the family.
I think of times in my life when I have suffered something along those lines. I never felt like I would get over or move past many of those things. Although, I have learned to live and adapt to the curve balls that life throws at me. No one really told me that things would get better, so I just had to deal with it.
Now I think of things like hope. That while I suffer or work for something, that there is a goal set out ahead for me. A desired outcome that I should always try to reach. Because if I did not have this objective set out for me, then I wouldn't try so hard to make it happen. Without that goal or hope, then I would have no reason to keep trying and I would be more likely to give up.
I think the way someone endures through all the hard work and heartache is by fixing themselves on that goal and finding a sound plan to get there. However, how can anyone plan for the end of bullying? Can anyone plan to end an illness or keep your loved ones around forever?
These situations will follow each of us throughout our lives and we honestly don't know for sure how to cope. In this case, I think hope means to have a strong desire to cope with a problem that seems insoluble. Coping is not the end of your problems, it is the ability to adapt. At least in the sense I am writing.
Proactively, we can educate the schools and parents about the problem of bullying. However, instances of bullying are individual. Albeit with a bully attacking several individuals throughout their career as a bully. Do you respond with a show of strength? Compassion? Or just tuck tales and hope the problem goes away?
Trial and error has surely taught us that ignoring a problem is not always going to be the solution. It's a false hope to think that a bully will lose interest if you don't respond somehow. My suggestion in a case of bullying is intervention. I think that a vulnerability in bullying is attention, because bullies like to think they can strut the halls like a king while in fact they thrive in the shadows and the background. I'm advocating for the intervention of parents, school officials, and the victims in sitting down with the bully and explaining the problems that they are causing and the consequences of continuing what they're doing.
Maybe there is a root problem to the individual bully. That child might be a victim of bullying themselves. Doesn't excuse what they do, but that is something to consider. What I don't suggest is fighting, unless you have no choice. Always be ready or able to defend yourself. Just draw the line at "stopping the action."
Illness is another thing to think about with no real clear solution. And I am not talking about a cure, although that would be nice. I think when it comes to an illness or a disability and special needs, that there is a stigma associated where people feel as though they have to walk on eggshells around the individuals living with an affliction. I think the ability to cope is not just for the people who have the condition, I think it is also for the rest of society. Even if there is no cure to the illness, there is a way to keep everyone included somehow. It just takes a little thought and resourcefulness. It is as simple as making the choice to try.
Losing a family member is something that cannot be addressed to a population. It is an individual basis of finding the strength to cope. I think the best approach is to be supportive without being intrusive. Their goal is to adapt to the loss, if ever they can. It's just a matter of being delicate.
Having hope is working towards the desired outcome. It may never feel like you will ever be back to a state of "okay." However, if you believe that you can be okay and can see yourself overcoming the problem to the point where you can cope and continue then it's all a matter of time to get there. I'm not saying to drop it, or buck up. I'm saying that there is a point to your survival, and that hanging in is all you need to do. But don't take just my word for it. If you need help, that is nothing to be ashamed of. Admitting you need help is not a sign of weakness. It is your astute observation that there is something that needs to be done that you may not be able to do alone.
Endure, somehow my friends. Endure. Fix the image of being "okay" or better in your mind and that is the thing to hope for. When you have that image, and that determination of arriving at your goal, you will have a reason to continue trying. That is H.O.P.E.
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